Recently I was asked by one of the co-founders of Noomii.com to contribute to an article for YourTango.com on the topic of relationship coaching, and since a lot of the info I provided is of benefit (I think) to others who are considering relationship coaching for themselves, I thought I would post some of my contributions below. I hope they’re helpful, and as always if you the reader have any further questions on the topic feel free to leave a comment below or contact me at your convenience. Enjoy!

1. What are the tell-tale signs that a person should hire a relationship coach?

Is the individual having a hard time finding “Mr. Right,” is there drama in the relationship that is seemingly impossible to get past, or are they wondering if they should break up or stay in a possibly toxic relationship? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, a relationship coach is a great choice.

2. What are the tell-tale signs that a person should hire a therapist?

Is the individual recovering from abuse or trauma from a previous or current relationship, are there unresolved emotional feelings, regrets, or resentment in the relationship (often not caused by the current partner but from someone in the past), or is there the possibility that emotional or personality disorders are getting in the way of the health of the relationship? If so, a therapist is a great choice.

3. Does a relationship coach offer advice? If not, what does a relationship coach do?

A relationship coach doesn’t give advice because coaches don’t give advice. When coaches give advice, they then “own” the consequences of the action taken by the client. What a relationship coach specifically does is help the client understand the options in front of them, and support them in choosing the best one through a variety of methods and tools. Quick tip: Look for an ICF credentialed coach above all else!

4. How does relationship coaching influence other areas of one’s life?

Any good relationship coach will realize that the “relationship” side of one’s life is only one part. Most coaches specialize in one or two areas of life, but the beauty of coaching is that it is a “holistic” approach to one’s life, and has to be – often, a problem in one’s relationship can be caused by difficulties in the workplace, and vice versa. Thus, a coach engages in a discovery process with the client to find out what other challenges and goals the client is facing, and then attacking each one systematically in the order that the client chooses, since the client drives the process of coaching at every turn.

5. Does a relationship coach work with one person or both people in a relationship?

Either way has its benefits. Working with one person allows you to support that person in whatever situation they are facing; essentially, becoming their cheerleader and confidant. However, couple’s coaching presents more of a mediation-type scenario in which the biggest challenge is to get each person to understand the other’s perspective, and how to work around those perspectives to get to a positive-sum solution that both can live with AND find happiness in.

Have a different take on an aspect of relationship coaching? Or have you participated in relationship coaching and have a good (or bad) story to share? Feel free to post below!